I try to avoid ranting on my blog (which sort of puts me in the minority), but I’m going to deviate from my self-imposed rule for a moment, and I hope you’ll indulge me while I stomp my feet and jump up and down a bit, but this is something that is really sticking in my craw: the idea that ‘blood is thicker than water’ so you should always be willing to put up with bullshit from your family.
I’m sorry to be insensitive, but that is the most ridiculous crap in the world. And, to be blunt, that is the type of thing that abusive people say to guilt their victims into submission so they never have to worry about dealing with the consequences of their abuse. It’s crap.
Your relationships with the people around you — whether they share DNA with you or not — should be based on how you treat each other. And giving someone special dispensation for being an asshole simply because they are related to you is inviting mistreatment.
I keep watching intelligent, talented, successful people — most of whom are women (that’s a whole other rant that I’ll skip for the moment) — contort their lives, their needs, their best interest to live up to the expectations of family members, even when those family members have a track record of treating them like absolute shit.
I have watched a dozen selfish people play the “blood is thicker than water” card, anytime it looked like someone was about to hold them accountable for their actions. And as long as their family members back down, their behavior never changes — because it doesn’t have to.
I once had a therapist point out that, for all of my whining, if I really wanted to change something about myself, I would. My problem was that the bad habit in question wasn’t causing me enough pain/unhappiness to be worth the effort of changing it. So instead, I’d just bitch about it in therapy — until he made that point, and I realized he was right.
Abuse is a cycle, and it’s one that I don’t understand. I will never understand how victims think that abusers will just suddenly stop being abusive because they wake up one morning and have a change of heart. Abuse stops because a victim demands it, not because an abuser allows it.
And so I sit back, and try to be supportive, and resist the urge to tear my hair out as smart people who should know better continue to volunteer for one unhealthy disaster after another, and yet don’t seem to see the pattern. And worse yet, won’t hear it if someone tries to point it out.
And when I can’t take it anymore, I go rant on my blog. Sigh.
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