Boss Lesson #1: Be Invested in Your People

Written by Alora

WordPress’ database isn’t big enough for me to list off everything I’ve learned from John over the years: about business, about change, about leadership, about being a workaholic, about managing clients, about corporate politics, etc. You name a topic, and I can probably find at least a handful of lessons I learned from him. I was very lucky to have someone with as vast array of experience, and such a willingness to share it, as a boss and mentor when I was at such an early point in my career. I got to be a sponge and try to absorb as much from him as I could. However, of all of John’s strengths, there was always an interesting mystery about his style: I have never had another boss with the capacity to foster as strong a sense of loyalty as John. I spent years examining what it was about him that was different from other leaders. It took time and distance before I was finally able to put my finger on what it was about John that made all the difference: those of us who worked for him always felt like he was personally invested in us and our success.

In John’s case, part of what made that such an addictive cocktail was his demeanor: John is a very mild-mannered, soft spoken, introverted person. He embodies a very Confucian-type ethic of quiet, steadfast leadership. As a reasonably quiet person, he is someone you often have to silence yourself to listen to — which ultimately means that he gets your undivided focus. John projects a sense of serenity and calm, even in the eye of the storm, and he is masterful about sharing that sense of calm with those around him.

Of course, the irony is that John would probably laugh at that description of him. But the fact is that, particularly in chaotic, dynamic or even out-right dysfunctional environments, someone like John functions as a sanity touchstone who is often instrumental in helping to keep people focused without burning themselves out. And part of the way in which he accomplishes that is by sharing his sense of focused calm with you, and making you feel like you and your problem is the most important thing in the world.

Never underestimate the astounding impact you can have on someone by spending a few minutes making them feel truly heard, and like their problems are genuinely important to you. I can’t count how many times John’s calm, soothing attention brought me back from the brink of some precipitous (and likely regrettable) behavior. And, even more graciously, he always managed to do it without making me feel judged, which was especially valuable once I calmed down and started feeling a bit stupid for allowing myself to get so worked up. And when he was off-site for a long-term project for the better part of a year, and couldn’t be there for me in person, knowing that I was struggling without his direct support and guidance, he emailed me (ironically, always when I needed it most) to tell me that I was doing a great job, and that he understood and was grateful for the burdens I was carrying with little or no help. Six years later I still have those emails. They are a reminder to me of the value of small gestures.

None of this is to say that John doesn’t get upset or impatient or frustrated (and sometimes even show it), but no matter how rough a day John was ever having, I never saw him turn away someone who was struggling. And once his attention was on them, his calming reassurance was always the elixir they needed to pull themselves back up by their bootstraps, and head back out to tackle whatever big bad monster had just kicked their asses and made them want to crawl into a hole.

People who didn’t have that relationship with John often wondered what it was about him that bred such intense affection and loyalty among those of us who did, and the answer is deceptively simple: anytime our faith in ourselves was the most bruised, battered and questionable, John’s faith in us and our abilities helped to restore our confidence and help us face the world again. It was an amazing gift, and one that I work every day to emulate.

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