I find it amazing that the times when I typically realize I am having the best days are the days when I am peddle-to-the-metal, no-holds-barred, hair-on-fire busy as hell. Why is that?
Today was spectacular… and I’m not entirely sure I can adequately quantify precisely why. I think the bottom line was that I had one specific meeting with my boss in which, not only did I get good insight into his plans for me (and my career development), but I had one of those moments that led to a bit of an out-of-body experience, in which I heard myself and our conversation and I was blown away by the fact that I just sounded GOOD.
And, given the conversation we were having and the project we were working on, I absolutely loved being involved. It was a tremendous sense of collaboration, which I’ve missed. Even more, though, was the access. One of the things that has been hard for me at this job is that I am used to being a much bigger fish in a much smaller pond. Here I am a little fish in a big pond. The CEO has never heard my name, couldn’t pick me out of a line-up with a gun to his head, and probably doesn’t have the first idea what an IT Project Manager really does. I’m used to sharing an office with my VP and having weekly meetings with my COO. It’s a world of difference. And — aside from the logistical realities that go along with no longer having that kind of access — it has been just generally hard on my ego.
Now, while I still don’t have that kind of access — hell, I couldn’t even swear that my CIO could pick me out of a line-up — the fact that my relationship with my Director is getting better and better, that I’m becoming more and more involved in strategic development and organization, and that I am finding myself involved in conversations that are truly exciting and interesting about how we are going to manage the division going forward, absolutely gives me goosebumps.
I look at the three Managers on my team who are technically two rungs higher up the food chain around here than I am, and two of the three of them are less mature management stock than I am. And the third one suffers by virtue of geography, because she is 2000 miles away, and not in a position to be involved in the impromptu types of efforts that evolved quite naturally, and which are rife for this type of relationship cultivation opportunity. The two boys, though, are each very strong in some areas, but also very clearly in need of some extensive development in some other areas. And while both of them definitely have the potential to be good, strong leaders, in the immediate term, they are not always in a position to help with some of the brainstorming and organizational development analysis that I’ve suddenly found myself in a position to become engaged in — which is phenomenal, because that is what I love more than anything.
In any event, today was a really, really great day and I’m finding that I am still on enough of an adrenaline high that I am not ready to go home yet, which I should do, because I have a ton of work to do that I am suddenly re-motivated to tackle.
It’s been since mid-2003 since I’ve had a day that got me this pumped. I almost forgot what it was like. Now that I am feeling it again, this is a reminder to me how I found myself working 80 hours per week. It’s like a runner’s high: you get addicted to it and then you push yourself longer and harder and faster than you should to try to get your fix. Unfortunately, just like with runners, you can take it too far until you just collapse (which is what I did). It’s been 3.5 years since then, though, and now maybe it’s time to see if I can dabble a bit without finding myself totally hooked and out of control drunk with the adrenaline again. Should be interesting to see.
One thing is for sure, though, and that is that there is a reason that I was single back when I was in that pattern. It does not work with a love life.
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